In the Silence

I write this blog from the silence of my dressing room. The SILENCEof my DRESSING ROOM.

I have to say that I was feeling a little stuck in terms of what I was going to write. As you know (regular readers) I have had an eventful couple of weeks, and as I start yet another after a long week of night shoots where I have had to be emotional (see Christmas and Boxing day episodes of EastEnders) I find myself emotionally drained.

But as I wait for five hours until my next scene, the silence brings about memories, dreams, goals and different feelings to the forefront of my mind.

How many of us sit in silence or meditate?

As I sit and look at my reflection in the mirror, I see the character I play. But when I look into my eyes I see the child I was and the dream, to be a working actor. How did this happen? when did it really begin? That’s easy. It started with my mother from day one.

We sometimes take people for granted, especially those closest to us. I remember there was a time I bought my mother flowers once a week after school. Why did I do it? I don’t know. I just remember looking at a bouquet of flowers one day and thought ‘I’ll buy that for mum’ (a sign of appreciation deep within I think).

It brings me to thoughts of being a mother myself. Not being boastful but I think I would be a great mother. I can see in my mind’s eye that I’d be doing all sorts of arts and crafts with my children, taking them to school, being overprotective etc. I don’t see myself with a nanny but with my passion for my career and wanting everything to be just right – how will I really cope?

I think about the different projects I have in my head. I think they’re great but what good is it having them in my head and not sharing them with others? I am very good at supporting others but I find it hard to ask for help for myself – I have to change that!

Within the silence I think about my family and friends. I don’t see them often and I know some of them don’t get in contact with me as they feel that I live a busy life and won’t have time for them. It’s true I do live a busy life but we can all make time – at the very least once a month.

Outside my dressing room people begin to laugh, doors open and shut, car engines roar; the general hustle and bustle of work begins again as the lunch break is over.

I look at myself again in the mirror.

I have so much potential. I have been through a lot and have come out the other side and I’m still going.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you feel in the silence?

I urge you to take some time out of the ordinary and just be in the silence. I’m interested to hear what comes out for you.

Have a fit week x

2 Responses to “In the Silence”

  1. …………..I tried the silence thing……..really I did…………I looked in the mirror…………..I then remembered looking at the time, and realised that I’d actually fallen asleep for two hours.
    I’m gonna try it again tomorrow………….

  2. Ok, as promised, I tried the mirror thingymejig again…………….
    At first I saw the same dude that I see in there every morning when brushing my teeth, but then after a few minutes I saw that there was a different person emerging…….I saw someone that was worth a whole lot more than I’d ever seen before, simply because my mind started to share it’s thoughts with my eyes. Let me explain………I started to think about what people see in me, and if they like me, what is it that they see and like?!! Of course, not every or most people are gonna like me , but those of them that do often tell you in one way or another. I actually began to see that because I care about the welfare of those that I’m blessed to know, I could see that it shows on my face………having seen this I looked deeper………I saw that whenever I meet someone that is dear to a friend of mine, I don’t greet them with a handshake, but instead I greet them with a hearty hug that kinda let’s them know that “If you’re important to my friend, then you’re important to me”
    Looking deeper still, I saw that I seem to always let people know how much they are valued by me, simply because I know how much of a difference it can make to their day.
    I saw many other wonderful things, but as this ain’t my blog I’ll stop there……….oh no one more………..I saw perfection……..not saying I’m perfect in looks, attitude, shape or size, but I realise that every key is cut perfectly for the lock it’s intended to open, so I’m perfect for the friends I have and they’re perfect for me!!
    Tameka, thanks for making me look long and hard at who I am behind the reflection that I see xxx

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