I write this blog from the silence of my dressing room. The SILENCEof my DRESSING ROOM.
I have to say that I was feeling a little stuck in terms of what I was going to write. As you know (regular readers) I have had an eventful couple of weeks, and as I start yet another after a long week of night shoots where I have had to be emotional (see Christmas and Boxing day episodes of EastEnders) I find myself emotionally drained.
But as I wait for five hours until my next scene, the silence brings about memories, dreams, goals and different feelings to the forefront of my mind.
How many of us sit in silence or meditate?
As I sit and look at my reflection in the mirror, I see the character I play. But when I look into my eyes I see the child I was and the dream, to be a working actor. How did this happen? when did it really begin? That’s easy. It started with my mother from day one.
We sometimes take people for granted, especially those closest to us. I remember there was a time I bought my mother flowers once a week after school. Why did I do it? I don’t know. I just remember looking at a bouquet of flowers one day and thought ‘I’ll buy that for mum’ (a sign of appreciation deep within I think).
It brings me to thoughts of being a mother myself. Not being boastful but I think I would be a great mother. I can see in my mind’s eye that I’d be doing all sorts of arts and crafts with my children, taking them to school, being overprotective etc. I don’t see myself with a nanny but with my passion for my career and wanting everything to be just right – how will I really cope?
I think about the different projects I have in my head. I think they’re great but what good is it having them in my head and not sharing them with others? I am very good at supporting others but I find it hard to ask for help for myself – I have to change that!
Within the silence I think about my family and friends. I don’t see them often and I know some of them don’t get in contact with me as they feel that I live a busy life and won’t have time for them. It’s true I do live a busy life but we can all make time – at the very least once a month.
Outside my dressing room people begin to laugh, doors open and shut, car engines roar; the general hustle and bustle of work begins again as the lunch break is over.
I look at myself again in the mirror.
I have so much potential. I have been through a lot and have come out the other side and I’m still going.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you feel in the silence?
I urge you to take some time out of the ordinary and just be in the silence. I’m interested to hear what comes out for you.
Have a fit week x